A better day

Today, or rather this afternoon, has been much better than the last few days. I told enno off last night, probably shouldn't have but I did. he ran me through SM today, we died but he promised to take me tomorrow. He stopped forgetting me, and though I am still angry with a bunch of people but I'm feeling better than before. not quit so lonely, which is a big improvement.

Falling

Falling to pieces.
Don't want to be here.
Don't want to be in this life.
Don't want to deal with drama.
Nor Idiots.
I don't want to do this school work.
I don't even understand it.

3 days now, 3 days, with meds, havne't forgotten, and i'm still falling apart. This HAS to stop. Now. But how do I not worry? There is so much going on! How do I deal with it all? Can't I just dance my life away? Can't the world just leave me alone? Can't I just work, pay the bills, and dance? I'd love that. I love dance, everything disappears and nothing exists outside of that building, outside of those people, I love it.

A bad day from the start

Its 10:30 in the morning and its already been a bad day. The cats woke me up at 6 and kept waking me up, so I finally got up around 7. I haven't eaten breakfast because I'm sick to my stomach again. I log onto gmail and theres an email from deadlei. Shes mad at me! I'm sorry if I was trying to be nice and see if we could record another night since shes always raiding on mondays.

And now she tells me how she hates that i'm doing everything. I've offered to let her record, and edit, and everything and she doesn't accept! and then she says 'well i want to be the leader' and thats fine. I could use the load off but I do like doing this. I don't want one of us to have to be the leader I want us to work together, as friends, but she doesn't feel that way so now I ahve to talk to her.

She says she wants more guests I told her a while back we could have her friend on and she never gave me a date. She says she wants to let other people help with the show I alreayd told her yes, hell I told someone to do the lore for us because they wanted to! I feel like me and her don't sit and talk enough for her to even know whats going on. She thinks that I just want to say 'ok were donig this and lets go' and i'll take the lead and be done but thats not what I want.

Ok fine, I wrote her an email telling her she could have everything she wanted and that I agree with her. Gee this sounds like a re-run of andrew. Andrew fights with me, i agree, and he says i'm wrong even though i'm on his side. Thats what I feel like.

To make matters worse everything on ER is all screwed up with the AIE guild and now i'm wishing i had made myself stay up last night instead of going to bed but I mean I'm working, I'm dancing, I've got school, and somewhere in there is WoW. By 10 at night I'm in bed exhausted.

What really doesn't help is that I do not currently have my depression under control. Today I just want to go crawl in bed and pull the cover over my head and not come out. THESE DAYS SUCK. This will go away. It is only a bad day, it is only temporary. But none the less I am still depressed and everything is crashing around me and I need it to wait a few more days!

Homework, yeah right.

So here I am, supposed to be working on school work but ya know I don't care! This stuff is confusing, I don't feel well so i've been playing 'escape the room' games. Like the one below!



Play Games at AddictingGames

Good Things

So a lot of good things have been happening such as:

1. Having my own bedroom in the dorm
2. Graduation
3. A new computer
4. Spending time at the pool

but here I am sitting at work, reading a book, chatting online, and installing some stuff and i'm not feeling to great. I think its because I'm tired, and I've still got so much to do and I'm not reading the happiest book ever.

It also might be because I haven't yet taken my medicine yet today. I'm having such a hard time with that because its summer and I no longer have a set schedule like I used to. I used to get up, eat breakfast, go to schoo or work. Now sometimes i eat breakfast sometimes i don't sometimes i get up early sometimes i don't. sometimes i have stuff in the morning sometimes I don't. These "sometimes' are starting to hurt me.

Anyways, tonight I record RP Tavern. I think i'm going to have a talk with Deadlei about being on time. 15minutes late to record is ok but I live on the east cost and if shes an hour late its 10 and tuesdays I'm pretty busy so I really don't ahve time to stay up late and edit. Were gonig to have to do something diffrent cause its hard not being able to rely on her. I don't know we'll have to figure something out.

Last but not least is my concern about RP Tavern I think we need to change things up a little, talk more about topics that are happening around the RP world instead of teaching. I think leave the teaching section under nweb101 and when I talk, talk about stuff like r/l friends vs. wow friends. I need to also talk about my ingame experiences.

The good news is we've got someone donig lore which will give me a little bit more area to play with instead of worrying about waht we have and have not talked about and all that kind of stuff.

C++

Ok so this C++ course sucks. The stuff I've learned i'm having so much fun with, just sitting typing up little codes. What does this tell me? Later on I will love my job. but getting there well for the first time my life may not be as easy as i'd like it. Its rough and I doubt I'm passing so I'm going to have to make up for it from here on out. I will pull off a B!

Saturday is graduation and man am I nervous! Ok not really, the only hard part is getting up on stage. Did I mention that I hate standing up infront of people? Hate it! Plus its going to be 1 1/2 of sitting in the sun dying of heat. Or thats how long they say it will be.

After that I have my graduation party but I don't even want to go. I feel so ditched. Only a few of my friends are coming. The others have things that are more important. Heather is going fishing with her dad 'becuase my dad is more important' which I totally get but what I don't get is why can't she put off fishing? she goes fishing all the time over summer. I put so much on hold for her and others last year and they knew this was coming and now they dont' care so i'm a little hurt and it makes me not care about walking across the stage.

So anyways over all i'm feeling just a little depressed and to top it all off people have said bad thigns about the last rp tavern, and i had a feeling, and i ignored it, figured I could see how it went over. well it didn't go over very well. But I mean thats easy enough to fix. I'm jsut tired and there is so much work to do and well summer is supposed to be relaxing but in reality when i'm a full time student and playing wow i do a whole lot better.

A New Blog

So I do a great deal of blogging for podcasts, and charachter blogs, but nothing talks about me. The me you know as Demis, Lorim, and by many other names. This is about me, my podcasting, my wow experiences, my life. I'll probably post a great deal of rants, boring news, and random posts while bored at work. But maybe you'll learn a little bit about who I am without just listening to me as a public speaker on a podcast, or vent.

Believe it or not I am a diffrent person on vent I joke about things that aren't really funny to me and I make my life a little less dramatic then it is and sometimes more dramatic depending on if its good or bad. So this is a 'Real Me' Blog about my real life.